Extreme Excitement...and Extreme Disappointment – But A Lesson in Kindness Learned.

Extreme excitement...and extreme disappointment – but a lesson in kindness learned.

...How getting taken out of the Meet and Greet line for Lady Gaga taught me to treat others with love and respect, no matter how hurt I feel.

Let me explain...

November 3rd I attended Lady Gaga’s Jazz and Piano show at the Park MGM Theater in Las Vegas. I was excited about the show and decided to purchase a ticket as a gift to myself for my Birthday. Music, to me, is magical so I knew that this show, in particular, would fill my spirit on so many levels. Concerts usually do this for me but this one, I was extremely looking forward to because I am a huge Gaga fan. I love live shows, and the fact that she uses an Orchestra on stage - made my heart and mind soar. I started saving money for this concert about a year ago because, as most people know, it is quite expensive to see shows in Vegas that are as popular as this one is. I didn’t know the exact date that I would attend the Jazz and Piano show, but I knew that I wanted to make sure I was going to have a beautiful experience. That is what was most important to me. I find my freedom in music, so I knew this show would be therapeutic after all the things I’ve been through lately, AND I also knew it would be refilling for my soul. Because, well, it’s the message in the music that Gaga has a way of infusing into every person in the audience.

I knew I could never ever afford, both, a ticket AND a meet and greet. It was just not possible for me. The price for the meet and greets started at 2,500 dollars and were selling online by secondary parties for up to 8,000 dollars. I told myself that I would try the, “monster approach” instead... I decided I was going to see the show and then stand outside the venue with the rest of the hopefuls trying to get the opportunity to see Gaga up close, look her in the eye, and thank her for putting together such a beautiful experience. I don’t mind celebrating music in that way, and I also knew that so many other fans would be out there waiting so I didn’t mind the idea at of waiting outside to say hello. BUT...I figured it couldn’t help to look up meet and greet tickets online and see who was selling them. Most of the tickets I found were being sold by ticket sellers who sell show tickets all the time and had sets of tickets for all kinds of artists who are currently on tour right now. However, I came across one Monster who happened to be selling her meet and greet online (for personal reasons) and I decided to reach out to her. I was as honest as possible and I just told her my story. I told her how Gaga’s music helped me pick myself up when I was at a low. I told her a bit about what I have been through, and I told her that it would be a dream come true to be able to meet Gaga and to tell her thank you for allowing herself to be a vessel for kindness, and healing, and good energy. I knew it was a total long-shot, but I asked her if she would be willing to sell her ticket to me...but in payments. I told her that there was no reason to help me, no reason to believe my story, or absolutely no reason to trust me at all, because she didn’t know me. I expected a “no” answer, but I was absolutely surprised when she said yes. I remember getting chills down my spine at just the thought of getting a bit closer to making one of my dreams come true.

I tried to be calm about it...but all I could do was thank her. She is an angel. An absolute angel for believing in me. She shared her story with me and we just bonded on stories of struggle, hope, kindness, courage and dreams.

I didn’t tell anyone my plans because I wanted to make sure I had everything set up for success. I told my sisters I would be going to a show but I did not tell them I would potentially be meeting Gaga. I couldn’t even wrap my mind around the idea. It still felt so unreal. Gina, (the name of my monster angel) reassured me that it would all go well. We chatted regularly and she built me up every time I was doubtful or pressed with the thought of ruining the experience for myself, freezing under pressure, or feeling too scared to speak my truth. She had a way with helping me find my balance each time I felt those kind of feelings.

I started to sink into all the planning...I sketched an idea for an outfit to wear to the show, one that would help me say things that my mouth couldn’t - just in case I froze under pressure. I decided to create this jacket; a power blazer that would make me feel brave in all the ways I needed it most. But also a blazer that could show Gaga what she has given to so many of us with her music and her energy. I started to think about the Wizard of Oz and the yellow brick road. I thought to myself, “You know, we all create a road for ourselves...Gaga created one too, the Gaga brick road.” She found a way to pave every step of it with lyrics to inspire, with words of encouragement and bravery, and with symbols and messages of hope. I knew I wanted to incorporate those songs that moved me, into my outfit. So I chose as many songs as I could that carried a message in them and just started painting them onto the jacket. Then I added some thorns on the shoulders, because just like a rose, it has to be as tough as it is beautiful. I wanted to pay tribute to both the rose tattoo Gaga had placed on her back, and to my mother who I would carry with me every step of the experience. So I created one out of safety pins – because safety pins are created to mend and hold up what is meant to be stitched together. Just the thought of what it would look like made me smile and feel stronger. Then, I added the ruby slippers, because they represent the power we all carry. The power to always find our way back home...

As the day got closer, I made sure I had everything I needed. I also knew that I wanted others to be inspired by my story, so I recorded as much about the process as I could. I know there are monsters out there who dream about meeting Gaga too, so I wanted to video log my experiences for them. I would use them later to tell my story. But, little did I know that my story would turn into a lesson of human kindness and defeat.

The day before the show I stood up late making sure I had everything I needed and packed wisely because I would be hitting the road solo, and I knew whatever I packed I would be carrying on my own from the car to the hotel room. I made sure I had all my necessary accessories including an actual chain that I purchased at a home goods store...I used it as a necklace and linked it with a book clip. (This was to symbolize our voices that are chained up, but freed when we decide to lace them with curiosity and knowledge. And also represented the fact that I work in education, I wanted to put that into my outfit as well.) I was ready, and I was excited, and I was looking forward to making my way down my own brick road. I got up early, showered, woke myself up with music, packed my car, made sure I had all my tickets and info with me, gassed up my car, and I was off...off to fill my soul.

As I drove, I built up this story in my head of all the ways I would say hello. I worried about my energy, and my excitement, I wondered about how it would play itself out, about finding my way there, about checking in on time, about everything. All of it. And then I just told myself to breathe...and to BE in every moment of it. To be myself. To just, be...

Four hours later, I got to Vegas and it just greeted me so nicely. The lights, the magic, the hope, the shiny brightness...all of it. I was so happy to be there safely and that so far, everything was going as planned. As I carried my bags to the room I laughed to myself thinking, “Well, maybe we pack even lighter next time.” I settled into my room and I could not be happier to be standing and not behind the wheel anymore. This was it. It was time to get dressed and to get to Park MGM. I was still trying to settle my nerves and keep them in check, so I put on music and just sang my way into getting dressed and suited up. I grabbed my fishnets and smiled, wrapped the chain around myself, teased my hair, slid into the leather pants, laced up my boots, smeared on Haus liner &lip gloss, and grabbed the blazer. I looked at it, exhaled, smiled and said, “Here we go.”

When I got to the venue everyone was so nice to me. I was surrounded by monsters and each and every one of them totally loved the jacket. That’s what happens at a Gaga show, we build each other up. I met so many people who got the message behind the jacket and each and every one of them told me that Gaga needed to see it. I didn’t tell them I would meet her yet...I just let them build up my courage. I checked in at the table where they would give me my M&G lanyard and bracelets and I literally felt like I was floating. I wanted to hug every person and just thank them for being a part of my experience. I chatted with some ladies at the table and they were excited for me and my journey. I was immediately rushed into the backstage tour, and as I walked backstage, I felt a wave of emotions just hit me like a storm. This is where Gaga stands before she walks on stage.

I stopped and just stood there for a moment and took it all in. I am used to being on stage, but this was quite different. Usually I am the one moving around and making sure everything is set and ready before going out there to sing my soul. This time, I was in her space, and I wanted to respect that and just soak up the creativity and the energy.

The woman hosting the tour began to walk us onto the stage from the wings and I just could not believe how beautiful the stage looked from “the audience’s point of view.” Everything on the stage just looked like it was breathing and meditating, like it knew in a few minutes it would be entertaining the whole place. I could feel the energy from every instrument, every mic, every music stand, and each and every Swarovski crystal hanging there like drops of magic and dreams. I held back tears as I stood on the stage and looked out onto the empty venue. I was transported into my imagination to what it would feel like to stand there and have all those seats full of people. I could feel the lights beaming down on me, and the strings buzzing with sound, and the weight of the microphone in my hand. I could feel the conversations I had with my Mom about that feeling. I could feel her words. I could feel her spirit. Standing there. it felt like forever and just one second all at the same time. I looked up at a light above me and I closed my eyes and I just let myself sink in deeper.

As they wrapped up the tour, they escorted us to a lounge where we were given food and drinks. They showed us where we would stand when we met Gaga and they explained what to expect...but there was really no way they could tell me what to expect. I was literally a ball of excitement. I wanted to talk to everyone in the room and just hear how they were feeling and feel it along with them. The bartender smiled at me and told me I was literally, “glowing and beaming.” I told him if he could help me keep my feet on the ground. We both laughed.

I met the photographer from the photo booth and he told me how Gaga has a presence about her that is very calming and comfortable. He told me not to be worried. He told me a bit about what previous meet and greets were like and he smiled and listened to every bit of my excitement. He was impressed by my jacket and I told him a bit about it and its journey.

I met some amazing monsters and we swapped Gaga stories and told one another how much we were looking forward to the show. We took pictures, exchanged social media information, and we talked about what we would say to Gaga. It helped calm me to see other people happy to be there too. I wanted the moments to stretch themselves out, so I just did my best to be in my feelings for all of it.

It was time to take our seats so the staff escorted us out to the area where we would be seated for the show. Again, I was greeted by so many fans who loved my jacket. We took pictures and each and every one of them encouraged me to give my jacket to Gaga. By this time, I had a lanyard around my neck that showed I would take part in the meet and greet. Monsters hugged me and congratulated me on getting the opportunity to meet her. I told them I would definitely give Gaga my jacket if she would accept it...and I smiled at the thought of her seeing it and loving it as much as everyone else did.

The show was more than I can explain in words. Everyone in the room was in sync with one another. We all sunk into every moment of it. Standing ovation after standing ovation. It was a beautiful thing to witness. Gaga did it...she found a way to turn a poem into a Vegas show. Every moment thick and full of love, kindness, and good energy.

Then it came time to get in line for the meet and greet...and this is where my story teaches a lesson in humility, devastation, and raw heartache. I was overflowing in musical magic and felt like I was in a full-fledged dream. A dream with all the trimmings: elated bliss, cloudy mindset, and a kind of joy that surrounds the spirit and fills the soul. I made my way up the stairs to the lounge where we had been earlier. I stalled a bit because I wanted to be last in line, on purpose. Everyone was already in line just around the corner from where we would be meeting Gaga. Security was there and checking everyone’s passes and bracelets. I could tell they were tired and that they were used to doing this. They were not very excited, and actually quite serious, but I figured they were just doing what they were supposed to do to make sure everything ran smoothly. I smiled at them and said hello, but their response to me was, “the line is here, let’s go.” The gentleman opened the roped off area for me and I tried to make small talk, but he was just not in that kind of mood. I asked if I could have some water and one of the hostesses, from the earlier tour, said she would go get us some. I smiled and started to chat with the others in line. I met a fellow monster who was so happy and we talked about meeting Gaga and how we couldn’t believe it would be happening soon. We waited for about 30 minutes and just filled up the time with what it would be like, what Gaga must be doing, how we would handle it, etc...

Then, the hostess walked to the end of the line where security had let me in, faced the opposite direction, and called out my name. I noticed she was holding a piece of paper and as I walked over to her, I smiled at her, tried to catch her gaze, and waited for her to look at me, but she had her back turned away from the crowd. I walked up to her and made it a point to catch her gaze and get eye contact so that I could smile at her and show her I was listening. She looked at me, saw my smile, but did not smile back. She lifted the piece of paper, looked at it, and said, “Did you purchase your ticket online from (said name).” I was still smiling, having no idea what was about to happen and responded, “Yes, but I know her as (said name).” then what she said next caught me so off guard that I was not ready for it. She lifted her head, looked up at me, and said as serious as she could get to come out, “Yah, tickets are non-transferable, and we are not going to be able to let you go through the line tonight.” She was holding onto the paper as if it was giving her the courage to break the news to me. She looked at me straight-faced and could probably see my smile change into every gesture it took to get to the open-mouthed stare that I was wearing now. It felt like a rush of numbness all at once. I couldn’t understand what she was saying so I leaned in and I said, “I’m sorry, wait...what?” I shook my head, and she repeated herself. I could feel the weight of everyone’s stare just fall on me like bricks because everyone in the small area now heard and were aware of what was going on.

I started to explain that I had purchased the ticket, and told her they scanned it earlier and didn’t say anything about it not being valid. She asked if I had the ticket with me, I said yes, and as I scrambled to try and find it, another host walked over to the line and started to talk to the others, “Okay let’s go over a few rules before the meet and greet...” I was still scrambling but even more now because the meet and greet was about to start and I was just told I couldn’t participate.

Two security guards started walking over to me and the host. One of them looked at me and said, “I’m sorry miss you are going to have to get out of the line.” I told them I was looking for my ticket to show them. They began to say that it didn’t matter and that they were going to have to escort me out. I tried not to move, and to explain in every way that I could. I told them that this was not just something small and asked if there was anyone I could talk to or anything I could do. One of the security guards opened the rope and went around me to re-rope the area making sure I was not on the inside of the line anymore. I felt like my dream had turned to a night-mare.

I was devastated, but too panicky to feel anything but confusion. Security kept saying that I had to start moving towards the exit and I saw the line of people looking over at me, and trying to listen to the rules both at the same time. I started to feel angry because I just couldn’t get why they couldn’t do something to help me make this situation any better. They told me that I needed to call whoever I bought the ticket from and get a refund. I told them I didn’t want a refund that I just wanted to fix it so that I could participate in the meet and greet. One of the guards said, “That is not going to happen, your best bet is to contact the person you bought it from.” Then all 3 of them were talking at me all at once and the 2 security guards made me walk out of the area. I kept stalling trying my best to reason with them and trying to understand and make sense of everything that was happening.

My heart started racing and I could feel chills everywhere. I walked with them for three floors, and tried to get them to help me find some sort of resolve but I could not. I told them I was alone, and tried to tell them what this meant to me, and how I had worked so hard to get here, and that there had to be something I could do...they kept me moving and one of them said, “Where are you staying, so we can lead you to the right exit and get your on your way.” I explained more, and still nothing. They wouldn’t budge. We got to the exit door, and I couldn’t make myself walk out. In one last attempt I said, “So this is it, there is nothing I can do?” I held out my hands and my eyes just pleaded with them. One of the guards exhaled and said, “Did you write the artist a letter?” I replied, “Yes, but I didn’t bring it with me, I left it in my room. I was in a hurry to get here.” He shook his head and said, “Miss, have a good rest of your night,” opened the door, and motioned me out. I walked backwards outside the door and just looked at them walk away. I could not believe what just happened. I stood there, numb, heartbroken, and bruised.

It felt like forever and one second all at once...I needed a moment. So I sat there on the steps of Park Theater. It was midnight. I tried to make sense of it. And I tried to wrap my mind around it. And just like that, the luster, the bliss, the excitement, the joy...it was all gone. And I was sitting on cold steps, 4 hours away from home, in the dark, alone...on the outside, looking in.

I sat there and I just let everything settle. I didn’t know what else to do. I looked around and just told myself that I had to get up. I had to deal with it. I had to just accept it and walk myself back to my room. So that’s what I did.

...As I walked back to my room, Vegas didn’t feel like Vegas anymore. In fact, I felt far and away.

I am well versed in disappointment and my heart is trained to look for the lesson in everything. So even though I was so devastated, I just kept telling myself to try and look for the silver lining. As I was walking past people laughing and celebrating, I told myself that those security guards at Park Theater were just doing what they were trained to do, and that had nothing to do with me. I tried to convince myself not to take it personal, because if I did, then I would get lost in anger and that is not what I wanted. But most importantly, I told myself to promise that I would never let anyone feel the way Park MGM made me feel that night. I promised to make sure that the people at my shows felt valued, and heard, and safe. I also reminded myself that Gaga had nothing to do with any of this, and not to carry any bad feelings towards her at all. I wondered if she would ever even know that something like this was happening at her show. Although I was disappointed and still finding my way around all of it, I set a goal in that moment to make sure that no one else would have to go through what I went through.

So to anyone reading this and wanting to meet Gaga, make every effort to do so. Don’t let my story discourage you, let it empower you. Make sure all of your ticket details are in order and ask as many questions as necessary. I may not have gotten to make one of my dreams come true, but maybe in some way, I can help make sure yours does come true.

So today I remind myself, people won’t always remember what you said and what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel. So I promise I will do my best to ensure that anyone at any of my shows never has to feel the way ParK MGM made me feel on November 3, 2019. My prayer is that no one else experiences an extreme situation and such a huge fall the way that I did. I hope every meet and greet from here out is beautiful and deep. My experience was ruined, but it will not break me. It’s all still very raw and I am doing my best to allow all the emotion to find its way out. I thank you for reading and sharing my story, with your help no other Gaga fan should have to feel discouraged about dreaming to meet one of their heroes. To Park MGM, please make your stipulations more clear, and please remember how important it is to treat people with kindness and respect. I hope you adjust your practices and use grace next time to find solutions to help fulfill dreams...

Xo

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Lady Gaga Jazz and Piano November 3, 2019